Then I saw the sticker saying an item in one of the boxes needed refrigeration and I realised that, holy moley, these 2 huge boxes of drugs were all mine, and all going to be injected into my tummy (aside from the pessaries...and we don't even want to talk about where those bad boys are going).
So they are all now stashed safely away from prying eyes, aside from the Ovitrelle, which I have sat next to the eggs in the fridge to spur them on. If anyone opens my bathroom cabinet they are going to see 2 bright yellow sharps boxes for all the needles. That's going to be an interesting conversation.
I actually can't quite believe that this is all unfolding. It feels like I'm a character in a play, living my lines. Partly I'm excited as I feel like I'm entering some new scientific world where people play Gods and I surrender to the process. But partly I am sh*t scared and praying that I have made the right decision. Thankfully I appear to have been enveloped in a calmness invisibility cloak. I have always trusted that when doors fling themselves open in my life, that these are the ones to walk through, and if they remain closed or roadblocks appear, then I need to reassess my decisions.
After fighting this decision for over 3 years here I am...with pmt cranked up to a grade 8, and no chocolate or wine to ease the process, and in just a few days it will all begin. Surprisingly I feel okay. I don't think I will feel the same next week when I become a human pin cushion and when the crazy hormones start surging through my system. But one day at a time, that's all I can do.